Better Representation

How come during the Renaissance Festival no one dresses up like a turkey leg? Come on! It's the coolest part of the festival, it should get a little more representation, don't you think.

Muppet Babies

If Kermit the frog and Miss Piggy ever had babies I wonder if they would be frogs, pigs, or some sort of frog-pig combo? Or maybe their babies would just be bears, but then Fozzie would probably have some explaining to do.

Dirty Belts

I don't touch other people's belts. If you think about it, people don't wash their hands till after they pull their pants up. Hence, they still got their poop koodies all over their belts. Think about that next time you lick another man's buckle... Gross!

Good Security

I saw this security guard playing on her cell phone, and I thought of how bad she is at her job. Then I noticed her phone was a Razor, so if something did go down she could probably spring into action and cut all the criminals... Now that's crime fighting!

Get a Hobby

If you're in need of a hobby you can try being a Private Investigator. It's Easy! Next time you have some free time, just pick out a car and follow it around for a while. This will give you a chance to work on your tailing skills. Also, be sure to take a lot of pictures just like a real P.I. would. Sounds like your boring day just got a whole lot more fun... Next week's lesson, "Aviator Glasses & Moustaches for Beginners".

After What?

Fairy tales always end with "And they all lived happily ever after". But I always wondered... after what? Doesn't seem like a very good ending if you ask me, too many unanswered questions.

Break From Work

Work got you down? Need a break? Next time you're a work and you need to get away just go hideout in the men's room. If done right, you can score around 20 minutes of uninterrupted break-time. Trust me, no one will say anything. If there's one thing I know, it's that no one ever got fired for pooping.

The Funniest Burden to Bare

When talking about jokes people will often use the term "Side-splitting". However, I've actually made a guy's side split open from laughing at one of my jokes, and there was nothing funny about that... I mean, the joke was hilarious, but I'm always going to have to live with what I did to that poor man.

What was I Thinking?

If I didn't have any arms or legs I could probably fit inside a backpack. Then I could easily carry myself around, and never have to walk anywhere. But wait, how could I wear the backpack if I didn't have any arms?

Dressing the Part

It is unacceptable to wear a big orange shirt as a substitute for dressing up on Halloween. Unless of course you're actually dressing up as a Giant Tool. In which case, bravo... you nailed it.