A Tasty Accident

A friend of mine got in a car accident and I didn't know how to cheer her up, so I said hopefully next time it would be a cake accident... Delicious!

America's Next Leaders

Voting is cool and all, but there's got to be a better way to choose America's next leaders. For example, all candidates should stop wasting their time campaigning and just play Scrabble. Whoever wins is clearly the smartest and best man for the job of President. Then they should all play Risk and the winner will be Secretary of Defense. Finally the remaining candidates will play Mouse Trap to see who is Secretary of Pest Control & Contraption Building.

RAB DAR GAB...

Remember RAB DAR GAB (Read a book Do a Report Get a buck)? Did anyone ever read those reports, or did they just give you the buck. Cause if they don't read the report it sends kids the message that any lazy jerk-off can just scribble some words down and get a buck. That's whats wrong with society these days... everyone's writing, but no one's reading.

New & Improved Expressions

I think the expression "It's raining cats & dogs" is old and outdated. We should try spicing it up with a new phrase... Personally I would like to suggest referring to a hard rain as "Raining Grandmas & Grandpas." Try it, and I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.

A New Invention of Mine

I think a good addition to public restrooms would be the "Disposable Shoe Guard". That way when you're taking a dump you can cover your shoes so people won't be able to identify you after that god-awful smell-fest you made in the men's room... Patent Pending of course

I Wonder..

I wonder if a cop ever used rubberbands as handcuffs because he left his at home on accident. What I don't wonder is whether or not that cop is now a raging alcoholic after being fired from the force.

Some Solid Advice

If you ever want to make a girl shut up just call her fat... This also works if you want her to stop eating for a couple of days.

Poison Control

If we made all poisonous stuff look like poop we could prevent a lot of accidental deaths... Not all of em' though, cause there's a lot of weirdos out there.

Just a Thought

At work someone told me I was dumb for eating my Pop-tart without toasting it. What he didn't know was that if I cared what he thought then I'd probably care enough to stop waking up 15 minutes before work so I could have a real breakfast... Just a thought.

"Breakfast Foul!"

How come whenever you're at a party and spill some beer, someone has to call you out for making a "Party Foul". This individual couldn't be a bigger tool. However, in his defense it's probably the way he was raised. I bet when he was little, whenever he spilled some milk, his mom probably came running in screaming "Breakfast Foul!" Then she'd probably tell him to stop being a fag, and drink it off the floor.

The Theory of Evolution

I was at Best Buy and noticed they were selling World Of Warcraft T-shirts, thus proving that even the "Kick-me" sign has evolved.