The Truth About Donuts & Bagels

The difference between Donuts and Bagels is simple. Bagels are made by the Jewish. If a Donut is made by a Jewish baker than technically it is in fact a Bagel. You may still call it a Donut if you like, but be aware that you are insensitive to the Jewish people and the hardships they have suffered.

Special Thanks...

Thank you Self-Check Out, now I can finally stop shoplifting condoms to avoid that look of shame from the cashiers.

I Mean Seriously Folks...

Instead of "Cellulite" we should really start calling it "Cellu-heavy"... I mean seriously folks.

Setting Goals...

Setting goals is when you're driving home from work around 6:15 and you pass a strip club with a sign that says "Free cover til' 6."

A Tasty Fact

Whoever created chocolate pudding was actually trying to invent tasty poop.

Lead By Example

A friend of mine said something and then right after he said "It goes without saying." But he just said it like 5 seconds ago. Way to lead by example... some friend.

The First Slaves...

Scientist have many theories on why the dinosaurs became extinct. The truth is, they were all put into captivity by the people of Bedrock, and were unable to breed because they were forced into slave labor such as washing dishes and vacuuming floors... hence, they all died.

A Better, Cleaner Body

Exercising wouldn't be such a hassle if you didn't have to take a shower afterwards. That's why I plan on putting a weightbench in my shower. Instead of a personal trainer, I'll just hire someone to keep soaping me up and scrubbing me down while I pump that iron.

Laughter, Party Of One...

He who laughs at his own jokes, Laughs alone.

Trust Issues

Never trust anyone wearing a big hat... You never know what's under there.

Future Dissappointments

I caught an episode of Start Trek, and Captain Kirk was using what looked like a Motorola RAZR to talk to his buddies aboard the Enterprise... Apparently we can have the cell phone of the future, but I still have to pay $4 a gallon to put gas in my non-flying car.