Special Thanks...

Thanks Magnum P.I. for letting us know that Casual Friday isn't just for Fridays anymore.

Everything's a Dollar... Lies are Free

Dollar Tree is a dollar store, however, Dollar General and Family Dollar are not dollar stores... Do not be fooled by their deception.

Simple Solutions

Remember the movie Killer Tomatoes? You think the solution would of just been, "Let's make a lot of Ketchup."

Fowl Play

I haven't trusted an owl since I saw that Tootsie Pop commercial, where the Owl ate all that boy's sucker. Especially talking owls... they're the worst.

White VS. Yellow

Regular white notebook paper is good, but if you're trying to make a paper banana, you should really use yellow notebook paper instead.

Waste of Time & Space

Anyone who keeps unused ketchup packets for later isn't actually saving ketchup packets at all... they're wasting drawer space.

Fruit for Thought

My favorite fruit is definitely the banana. However, if you ask me I'll probably just say it's the apple, so you won't make any penis jokes.

Lost in Translation

A friend of mine didn't know that when you mix all the sodas together in one cup it's known as a "Suicide"... I bet the people at Burger King looked at him funny when he asked for all the drinks in one cup.

More on the Subject of Urination...

About a week before going on a roadtrip it's a good idea to start peeing in bottles. This will give you good practice, and you'll start getting a pretty good idea of how many bottles you can fill in one sitting, so you can plan accordingly. Remember, you can never be to prepared when peeing in a car.

The Great Outdoors

When camping it's a good idea to pee right in the middle of the campsite, because I've seen too many movies where somebody gets lost or killed cause they had to wander off to take a leak. Remember, Safety First.

Bless You...

When someone gets into a sneezing fit you're only obligated to say "Bless you" once. Don't be suckered into feeling like you have to keep blessing them just because they can't stop sneezing. Believe me there are other people out there who could use the extra blessings a little more than ol' Sneezing Sally.

The Truth Behind Fourthmeal...

In order to attract more customers, the people at Taco Bell thought it would be easier to add an entire new meal to the day than to create a taco that didn't give you diarrhea. Clearly we should leave making Mexican food to the experts... Jack In The Box, they make tacos by the pair!

School Zone's Out For The Summer

Why do I still have to drive 20 miles an hour in a school zone at 9 am when all the kids are in school by 8 o' clock? From now on, any kid who wants to be tardy to class is going to have to dodge me going to full speed limit... These late kids are either going to learn how to show up to class on time, or how to tuck and roll when I'm coming at you at 45 mph talking on a cell phone.

Mood Rings...

What color does your mood ring turn if you're feeling ripped off?

Evil At The Workplace

I think the work place would be more effective if everyone had at least one co-worker who was evil. Just imagine how much more productive you'd be if you had to watch you're back all day. No more zoning out at work, because today might be the day Peterson in accounting gets his death-ray fully operational.

Big Trouble In Little Tokyo

If you don't believe in Godzilla and the giant monsters that attack Tokyo just think of Mothra... I bet if all these monsters were make believe, they would've come up with something a little cooler than a giant moth. I mean come on, I think Asians are a little more creative than that.

Joe Prindiville... the Motion Picture

If my life was a movie I'd probably want it to be a romantic comedy because It would be funny AND I'd totally get the girl at the end... Hopefully it would be one of those romantic comedies with a lot of explosions and a couple of zombies in it too.

What's In Your Beard?

If I had a huge beard I would hide stuff inside it, and if I could hide stuff in it I would hide another beard in there. That way whenever someone complimented me on my beard I would be able to give them a starter beard of their own. Just my way of growing a better community, one beard at a time.