Eating Without the Guilt

I feel guilty about eating cows because if they had the chance they wouldn't eat me... Now a lion, on the other hand, that's a different story. If anyone knows where I could get a Lion Burger, that's a guilt-free meal I'd be interested in.

Just Ask...

I've heard of people shooting themselves in the foot to get out of the military... I wonder if they ever tried just asking? Who knows maybe your Drill Sergeant is having a really good day. Besides what's the worst that could happen, he gets so mad that HE shoots off your toe? It's a win-win.

Peter's a Dog!

I don't like it when people give their pets people names, cause when they talk about "Peter" I think they're talking about they're stupid friend that I don't care about... But when I realize they're actually talking about an adorable puppy, it makes me wish I gave a crap about what they were saying in the first place, because now all I have is the second part of what could of been a very cute dog anecdote.

Gays, Grapes, and the Color Purple

It's not really fair that a guy can't like the color purple without people thinking he's a little gay. I mean tons of straight things are purple. Grapes are purple, and they've been around way longer than homosexuals... Yep, there's nothing straighter than a bunch of guys sitting around eating grapes.