Let's Be Honest

They call it Play-Doh because it's dough that you can play with, but let's be honest with ourselves... Shouldn't it really be called Play-and-Eat-Doh.

I'm No Archaeologist...

I'm no archaeologist, but I'm pretty sure walruses evolved from saber-tooth tigers.

"Sweetie"

The lady at the supermarket was so nice, she even called me Sweetie. Then I noticed she called the person behind me Sweetie too... What a whore

Friends With Secrets...

Friends who pinch your nipples secretly aren't your friend... and the secrets out.

3 Men and a Tow Truck...

Today I saw a truck for "3 Men Moving Company" broke down on the side of the road. I thought it was really cool cause there was actually 3 men there trying to fix the truck. I bet those guys are wishing it was called "3 Men and a Tow Truck Moving Company."

A Breath of Fresh Air

The key to choosing an air freshener is finding the scent that smells the most like "not-poop".

"PB & J"

Can you imagine if a "PB & J" stood for "Pickles, Butter and Jelly"? I know I can't, that's just gross.

Got A New Drug

My favorite drug would have to be placebos, cause they always get me as high as I want!

A Little Known Fact

It's a little known fact that when filming Shark Week, all the stunts were actually performed by dolphins. If you don't believe me, just ask any dolphin... they'll tell you what's up.