A Tasty Accident

A friend of mine got in a car accident and I didn't know how to cheer her up, so I said hopefully next time it would be a cake accident... Delicious!

America's Next Leaders

Voting is cool and all, but there's got to be a better way to choose America's next leaders. For example, all candidates should stop wasting their time campaigning and just play Scrabble. Whoever wins is clearly the smartest and best man for the job of President. Then they should all play Risk and the winner will be Secretary of Defense. Finally the remaining candidates will play Mouse Trap to see who is Secretary of Pest Control & Contraption Building.

RAB DAR GAB...

Remember RAB DAR GAB (Read a book Do a Report Get a buck)? Did anyone ever read those reports, or did they just give you the buck. Cause if they don't read the report it sends kids the message that any lazy jerk-off can just scribble some words down and get a buck. That's whats wrong with society these days... everyone's writing, but no one's reading.

New & Improved Expressions

I think the expression "It's raining cats & dogs" is old and outdated. We should try spicing it up with a new phrase... Personally I would like to suggest referring to a hard rain as "Raining Grandmas & Grandpas." Try it, and I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.

A New Invention of Mine

I think a good addition to public restrooms would be the "Disposable Shoe Guard". That way when you're taking a dump you can cover your shoes so people won't be able to identify you after that god-awful smell-fest you made in the men's room... Patent Pending of course

I Wonder..

I wonder if a cop ever used rubberbands as handcuffs because he left his at home on accident. What I don't wonder is whether or not that cop is now a raging alcoholic after being fired from the force.

Some Solid Advice

If you ever want to make a girl shut up just call her fat... This also works if you want her to stop eating for a couple of days.

Poison Control

If we made all poisonous stuff look like poop we could prevent a lot of accidental deaths... Not all of em' though, cause there's a lot of weirdos out there.

Just a Thought

At work someone told me I was dumb for eating my Pop-tart without toasting it. What he didn't know was that if I cared what he thought then I'd probably care enough to stop waking up 15 minutes before work so I could have a real breakfast... Just a thought.

"Breakfast Foul!"

How come whenever you're at a party and spill some beer, someone has to call you out for making a "Party Foul". This individual couldn't be a bigger tool. However, in his defense it's probably the way he was raised. I bet when he was little, whenever he spilled some milk, his mom probably came running in screaming "Breakfast Foul!" Then she'd probably tell him to stop being a fag, and drink it off the floor.

The Theory of Evolution

I was at Best Buy and noticed they were selling World Of Warcraft T-shirts, thus proving that even the "Kick-me" sign has evolved.

Airplane Safety...

Never wear parachute pants on an airplane. Because if there's a shortage of parachutes, everyone will probably assume that you have the best chance of jumping without one... If it is laundry day, and wearing parachute pants is unavoidable just remember... "Can't touch this"

Some of My Stock Tips

I don't know too much about the economy or stocks, but I have heard of a Bull Market and a Bear Market... I'm not sure which would be the better investment, but that sounds like a hell of a fight. My money's on the Bear Market!

If the World Was a Sweeter Place

If your hands were made of ice cream your mother would probably say "Don't lick your hands or else you won't have them anymore." However, they're probably going to melt anyways, so I'd rather enjoy a little ice cream before I lose my hands... That's right even with ice cream hands, I still control my own destiny.

A Thought on the Re-occuring

Sometimes I have a feeling that I 've written something twice... but it's ok cause what are the odds you're having the same feeling about reading it twice?

The Truth about Superman

I think Superman's only true power is that he is "Super Greedy"... I mean come on, he had like every power. Super speed, super strength, he can fly, heat vision... "How bout you save some for the rest of us ya Super Jerk!"

Defending Aquaman's Rep.

I think Aquaman has a lame reputation, and he's just not one of the cooler superheroes. This sucks for aquaman cause it's not like he can try to make friends by inviting them over to his lair. I'd rather just watch the game over at the Batcave without having to use a scuba-suit. However, in Aquaman's defense, he does have the "Hooking up with Mermaids" monopoly on lock-down... One thing is for sure, Aquaman would be a lot cooler if he had a lobster-gun.

I also believe Aquaman should start smoking. I don't know what "Big Truth" has told you about tobacco, but people who smoke are tough and look cool. Besides Aquaman can breathe underwater, I think his lungs can handle a little smoke. Also Aquaman has the whole "aqua" thing covered but he forgot one aspect that could really improve his popularity... Aquaman needs to strap on an eye-patch, and start being a little more "piratey". Thanks to Johnny Depp pirates are cool now, and now so are you Aquaman.

Pink Shirts... and The Questions They Pose

I saw a guy wearing a pink shirt that said "Don't laugh, this is your girlfriend's shirt." I wasn't laughing... but I was wondering why my girlfriend would own a shirt that says "Don't laugh, this is your girlfriend's shirt."... and why did she never mention it?

Cleaning Up Their Act

Why are homeless people so dirty? All They do is just stand there with a sign. You'd think they'd be able to stay pretty clean.

Changing Trends

You used to get made fun of for wearing a shirt with a "fag tag" on the back. But now it would probably be cool as part of the whole Metro-sexual fashion style.