A Familiar Scent

I couldn't help but notice the restroom smelled a little more "Magnum" than usual. However, it all made sense when I noticed the bathroom's new air freshener.





Think it's time for Back-Potty... Tell Higgins not to wait up.

A Quick Safety Tip

Remember kids, Safety First. Be sure to always wear a helmet. If you don't have a helmet, using bubble wrap is the next best thing.

Now even poor kids can be safe!

Usefullness for Useless Things

You know those bowling shoes you stole three years ago because you thought it was cool, but now have no use for them? Well it turns out you stole yourself the perfect pair of dog walking shoes. Think about it... they got flat soles, so if you step in poop it'll be an easy clean up. Plus, even if you do step in poop who cares, they're crappy bowling shoes that you didn't pay for. I guess the only problem now is finding a dog to walk, but I'm sure you'll just go steal one... klepto.

Telling Secrets

Last night I saw a girl wearing a shirt that said "I can't keep secrets". Well I can't keep secrets either, and I told her her shirt sucked.

Meet The Neighbors

Today I noticed that my quirky neighbor has a pair of black, OJ-looking gloves inside his car. This officially gives him enough weird points to move him up from "Quirky" to "Creepy".

Delicious Disorder

If I eat an Egg McMuffin, knowing that McDonald's breakfasts always make me poop right away, does that make me bulimic?

Making Wise Words Wiser

Give a man a fish, you have fed him for today. Teach a man to fish, and you have fed him for a lifetime... Teach him to fish with dynamite, and you have created an Eco-terrorist.

"Custodian Dick!"

More people should be working on commission. Janitors, for example, should get paid per mess. It's only fair that the more they clean, the more they earn. However, you'd probably have a bunch of janitors pooping everywhere, so they can clean it up and make the extra buck. Man, if you can't trust a janitor who can you trust in this dirt ridden world.

The Animal Club

Getting a puppy is cool because now I have that special bond with everyone else who has a puppy. We'll see each other walking our dogs, and it's cool because we're all part of that "I Have an Animal Club". The only bad news is that crazy lady with 14 cats and no furniture is a part of the club too... I always thought if I was going to be part of a club with her it would just be AA.

A Better Light, A Better Driver

With all the lights that come on in my car when I need gas, oil, or my engine's falling apart, how come the only way I can find out my taillight is out is by getting pulled over at 3 am on my way home from the bar? There's got to be some way they can invent a warning light that comes on when your taillight is broke... They should also have a light that warns you you're about to get a D.W.I.

Robo-Role Model

Robocop would be a great mentor for Inspector Gadget. He could show Inspector Gadget that you don't need all those silly gadgets to make a difference. All you really need to do good in this world is a gun... Now that's deep Robocop.

22 Extra Flavors

In case you haven't heard, Dr. Pepper is now made with 23 flavors. They used to be able to make Dr. Pepper with just one flavor, but now they use 23 and it still tastes just like Pepper. If you ask me, that sounds a little inefficient... Personally I'd expect better from a Doctor.

Bottomless Pit... Half Full or Half Empty?

I wonder what happens to you when you fall into a bottomless pit? Some nerdy bottomless pit expert will probably say that you'd die from falling so fast, or from eventually starving. I, on the other hand, would like to think it would be an amazing journey. A free-fall like that would be awesome, plus imagine all the other falling people you'd meet while on your trip... But I guess that's just the optimist in me.

A New Idea for Domino's

Domino Rally did great things for regular dominoes, imagine what it could do for Domino's Pizza. You'd just arrange hundreds of pizzas in a crazy course and let em' go nuts! Wait that'll never work, it's just way too many calories... Well there's still my idea for the "Holy Cheesus!" Pizza, now with more cheese than ever before!

The Vampire Test

If you suspect your friend of being vampire, try feeding him a T-bone. If he is a vampire, a steak to his heart should kill him. If he's not a vampire, then he probably deserves a nice meal for such a ridiculous accusation.

A Confusing Comparison

People always say "It's like comparing apples and oranges." But what if you actually are comparing apples & oranges... Is that "like" comparing apples and oranges, or is it just comparing apples & oranges. I'm not sure, but if you were to answer delicious, I would say Correct!

A Thought From Justin...

When a waitress introduces herself and is like "I'll be your server," should I feel obligated to say "I'm Justin, I'll be your customer"?

-A Thought from Justin Petty-

Just a Thought...

I think if dinosaurs were made out of Legos more people would want to be archaeologists.

Choosing Favorites

I understand a parent putting a bumper sticker from their kid's college on their car. But sometimes they have more than one kid, and now they got their mini van covered in stickers from all kinds of colleges... this is too much. These parents need to sit down and choose their favorite child, and start being loyal to only one college.

Retirement Plans...

I think when I retire I'm going to open a ceiling fan store. Not just any ceiling fan store, but one where you can come and customize your fan exactly the way you want it. I think I'll name my store "Number 1 Fan".