The Future of Food

We've all seen enough TV and movies to know how teleporters work. We also know they can be unsafe because all your molecules might get mixed up and you could end up with your arm sticking out of your head or something... This might be a bad side effect for people, but a perfect side effect for food. Think of all the awesome meal combinations you could create just by zapping your food. Really like Tacos and burgers, but don't know what to eat? Well just teleport yourself a nice "Burg-aco" or "Tac-urger" Now all I need is a machine that could come up with a better name for a taco burger.

Superheros & Pervs

Anyone who says they would choose invisibility as their super power doesn't want to be a superhero. They just want to be some locker room pervert, and stare at nakeds all day. Instead of asking these guys what superpower they'd choose, just ask them if they're a dirty perv. They'll see you as a real straight shooter, and they'll respect that.

Peacefull Mornings

Sunrises are pretty neat... but so is riding a golden unicorn down a rainbow slide into a pool of Jello, because I'm still dreaming, and I didn't wake up to see the sunrise.

A Fishy Smell

Sometimes you'll come home and you'll notice a strange smell. For example, "It smells a little fishy," or "What's that burning smell?" or even "Who farted?" But this morning I got home and my place smelled like garlic bread. It's 10:30 in the morning, who's cooking garlic bread in my house? I think I got robbed by Chef Boyardee and he left his calling card. I guess I'll be eating a nice bowl of I-got-robbed-a-roni tonight.

The Legend is True...

I saw her... The really hot girl that drives the really crappy car. Some say she is only a myth, but I have seen her with my own two eyes. Truly this woman is as beautifull as her car is rusty.

Such Passionate Letters

Sometimes when writing a letter people will write"O X O X" to represent hugs and kisses. I wonder what letter would represent a reach around? My guess is it would be the letter "G" cause it kind of looks like an arm reaching around. On the other hand it also kinda looks like a snake or something... so maybe the letter "G" just means I want a snake to attack you.

Why Not Use the Talking Car?

So Disney Pixar has this new movie with talking cars. I hear they got Owen Wilson to take the lead role... I wonder why they didn't just cast the talking car from Knightrider?

Birth of the Prindiville Nation

I'm in the process of forming my own country so I can participate in the World Cup. I don't really care about winning or losing, I just think it would be sweet to have My own team. So if anyone has some spare land that we can use for our country, I can probably find a spot for you on my team. Remember it's not whether we win or lose, it's that it's My team. Today a Country, Tomorrow the World!

"Awe Man," My Power Sucks

I was walking with a friend the other day when we past a gross looking puddle of sewage. I assumed it was toxic waste, and asked my friend if he wanted to roll around in it and get super powers. Before he could answer I told him nevermind... Truth is, if he got a cool super power and I got a lame one, I'd be super-pissed.

A Food Fiasco

Dear Mrs. Crocker

Long time eater, First time writer...
One of the differences between cakes and pies is that pies are filled with fruit. So technically, shouldn't blueberry pancakes be called "Blueberry Pan-pies"? I've already got Sara Lee on board, so if you could please return my calls maybe we can finally get this food fiasco taken care off.

Thanks for the food & the memories,
Joe

A Bug's Life...

If dragon flys were really "Dragon Flys" they'd be able to breath fire, and that would be pretty sweet... That is until they kidnapped your princess and you had to hire some knight to go get her back... After that you probably would just wish they were regular bugs again. On the other hand, what the hell were you doing with a princess anyways?

Time & Time Again

The best part about owning a time machine is that you can always relive the first time you rubbed it in your freind's faces that you have a time-machine and they don't... Honestly though, dinosaurs are way over-rated.

More Like EXtreme Stalls

Why is it that the handicapped stalls are the ones with bars on them for you to hold on to while you pee. Last night I took advantage of these bars, as I peed in the toilet sideways while leaning out from the wall... Hey Grandpa!, try pulling of that fly move in your Rascal!

Shirt... Jacket... Who Knows!

Some people wear button down shirts unbuttoned. Don't they realize that when they don't button up the shirt it's more of a jacket than a shirt. They also don't realize that they probably wouldn't need a jacket if they just buttoned up their shirt... because then they wouldn't be so cold.

Three's A Crowd

No one likes a third wheel, but just wait till I finish my rocket-tricycle... then we'll see who's a third wheel after all.

A Dying Wish

If we're ever faced with the threat of a meteor shower be sure to go outside with an umbrella. This will not save your life, but I was to cheap to buy a bomb shelter so i'm going to die one way or the other... And before I die all I want is the pleasure of seeing some poor sap with an umbrella get smashed by a meteor... Is that too much to ask? For once stop being so selfish!

The Fourth Little Pig

We've all heard the story of the three little pigs. But what you don't know is there was actually a fourth pig... His house was made out of Leggos, and him and the wolf had the funnest time building and taking apart his house... That is until the wolf ate the fourth pig, I mean Leggos are fun but so is eating pork.

Getting a Little Preachy

You know who makes the best milk?... Cows. And who makes the best cows?... God. That's right, just another reason why God should be in your life. Sorry I had to get a little preachy there, but I thought it just had to be said.